Friday, June 5, 2009

What I would Do If I Won the Lottery

The notation of winning the Lottery has been playing in my mind a lot recently mostly due to the fact that reality of the "Real World" (Not that Tripe that's on TV) is setting in. I went to a Job Fair a while back and it felt like I was a Horse walking into a Glue Factory. 

(This Seriously was the best image I could find, yet it's somehow fitting)

It was just tons of Doom & Gloom as soon as I walked in. A lot of the companies that actually showed up weren't even really hiring and if they were they seemed like Boiler Room operations that were based off of commission, needless to say it gave me anxiety and just an uneasy feeling.

Ultimately I'd like to do something Writing like Public Relations, Reporting, Writing for the Media or even continue with my own Writing whether it be through this Blog or my own short stories and/or screenplays. Any of those options would be fucking Awesome because it's something I like doing and something I'm good at.

Which gets me to the basis of this blog; Winning the Lottery. I've been thinking a lot about this recently which is odd because I barely ever play it. Once in a blue moon I will pick up a Lotto ticket yet every time I buy one I never check up on whether or not I have won or not (Fucking Brilliant!, I know). 
Cat-CatSittingAtBarCutOffIJustGotHe.jpg Cut off?! image by Repented
Whenever I go to Happy Hour at Skipper's down in downtown Main Street Northport if I have a pretty good buzz going I invest in Quick Draw as if it were a commodity and usually end up with Sail Boat Fuel. Even worse then that though is I used to buy Scratch Off Tickets as if they were vials of Crack and would usually end up the same way; Shattered, Broken & trying to exchange Cheeseburgers/Blowjobs for another hit.
Do ya Notice the pathetic trend here? Haha, I sure as hell do! I digress though as I will now lead on to what I would do if I did actually won the Lotto or at least fall ass backwards into a nice pile of Scrooge McDuck type money. 

A lot of people would go ahead and just blow it all on stupid shit, it's pretty easy to do that, not too say I'd be any different because I assure you I could do that with a decent chunk of it but I would defiantly save a good portion of it in order to live off of it.
The only real frivolous thing I would purchase would be to have a true to life Pirate Ship made so whenever I needed a break from Society I would take that bad boy out for a spin for like a month or so or however long it took for me to acquire Scurvy.

As far as living quarters I'd defiantly get a summer type home down in Florida. I've always had an affinity for ridiculous looking "MTV Cribs" like homes down there mostly due to the fact because I used to be/still am obsessed with Miami Vice and that whole laid back type life style. I'd take Miami or West Palm Beach, I'm not too picky (this said after saying earlier that I wouldn't spend my money on Frivolous things).

Without a doubt though I'd have to own a  place in New York. I love New York so much that it would be very tough for me too leave it for good. I wouldn't mind either getting a nice home somewhere in my hometown or even a sick Patrick Bateman like apartment on Central Park West. I think having a view of Central Park would give m a lot of inspiration with writing and what not.

The most important thing as far as living quarters goes that is an absolute must is to have a house in the country side that is in the middle of no where. The house would have to be massive, well stocked and heavily fortified. The house would have to have plenty of things to keep me and whoever is with me entertained and sane. This of coarse is preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse that will no doubt happen in the immediate future.

Basically what it boils down to as far what I would like to do with my money is that I would be able to live a life of what Peter from Office Space when he envisioned of a life of doing nothing. I would either just write full time or even do a small part time job that would keep me sane. 

I wouldn't mind opening my own business with my time and my money. Starting ventures I've always wanted to do like opening my own Music Venue that in itself was a Comic Book Store, Music Store, Cafe and an Arcade would be pretty sweet.

It would kinda be sick to open a bowling alley too. I would make it really bad ass and just for shits and giggles I would hire Tony from Larkfield Lanes AKA the real life Moe from the Simpsons to work at my bowling alley.

Either that or opening my own Video Store that had all the movies I liked and the shitty ones that me & my buddy Georg watch. To make it a little different and stand out from other video stores I would show double features inside the store at night.

As far as cars go I wouldn't really buy any supped up crazy cars or anything. The only real car that I would get is a DeLorean because I am a nerd. This way I could make an exact replica of Doc Brown's DeLorean with the interfacing panel board and Flux Compositor too. 

Now the question remains of what type of payment method I'd go with. I've determined mostly through discussions with numerous bartenders (let alone finical advisors) that I would go with the Lump Sum. I say this mostly because I'm operating off of two theories; (A) you don't know if the value of the dollar will go up or down & (B) you could easily die the next day.

On a somewhat kind of relating note to dying the next day (not really I just ran out of ideas to blog on the lottery about) David Carradine recently accidently killed himself via auto-erotic asphyxiation. Seriously, when has that ever been a good idea? Has no celebrity learned their lessons through Michael Hutchence from INXS or Ray whats his face from Family Fued? 

Seriously though David Carradine played one of my favorite roles of Frankenstein in the original Death Race 2000. He was also Bill in Kill Bill but he will always be remembered mostly for his role in Kung Fu: The Legend Continues......well not anymore, I'm an asshole!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

7 years ago Grand Theft Auto: Vice City came out and single handily made me a video game addict again. I remember frothing at the mouth for the build up for this game as I would visit the games website everyday looking at the screencaps and game trailers fantasizing to what the game would play like.

The game itself took place in 1986 in Vice City (a play on Miami) immediately I had a hard on for this game seeing how I have a pension for the 80's as well as anything Miami due to my severe love for Miami Vice. Needless to say this said hard on lasted easily more then a year as my eyeballs would practically bleed from endless hours on end of game play.

With Grand Theft Auto: Vice City came the introduction of Motorcycles into the game. This may not seem like a huge deal to some but the fact of being able to redline a bike a bike and hit jumps for some sweet air almost put me into a convulsion. Along with that there was something so sweet of cruising down a virtual Miami Beach front and pull a drive-by on someone that I wouldn't get a satisfaction of in real life (as if I needed too).

Motorcycles weren't the only thing that would make me go into shakes of withdrawal by the sheer thought of. In Grand Theft Auto: Vice City gamers were introduced to the luxury of cruising around in boats in the cool beautiful sea green waters of Vice City. The only downfall of this is if you fell in the water you were as good as dead because the game developers didn't create the ability to swim in the game until the next installment of the series; Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

Along with Motorcycles and Watercraft you could also take to the sky in helicopters and prop planes as you could float around in the gorgeous Vice City skyline while overseeing the beautiful landscape from a bird's eye view. If I was able to sleep after playing days on end I would dream of this as I slobbered all over my pillow case.

Another feature that the game developers added to the game was the ability to bailout of a car while it was moving. This brought about one of the fondest memories about this game that I will never forget. When I first got the game I brought it over to my buddy Dan Raps' place so we could all crack out on the game. When my buddy Martin (who miss the hell out of!!) got a hold of the game the first thing he did was pick up a hooker and then bailout on a jump into the water, I couldn't stop laughing.

The gameplay of Vice City wasn't the only thing that kept me up at night as it also had a phenomenal soundtrack! The soundtrack featured such giant 80s hits by Cutting Crew, Rick James, Michael Jackson, Hall & Oates, the Buggles, the Outfield, Motley Crue, Quiet Riot, Gary Numan, A Flock of Seagulls, Run DMC & Kurtis Blow all of which captured the time perfectly (coming from someone who was born in 85 and has no recollection of the 80s at all!).

Besides all of the little elements of the game I already described the fact that you could own store fronts that created missions itself to go along with the story line missions was brilliant. The missions and all the elements alone took a good portion of my life that I will never feel that I wasted. 

I have been debating on whether or not to start a whole new game and try to complete it without codes but I'm already thoroughly addicted to Fallout 3. This being said all the while I need to be applying myself get a real job and do something with my degree. After this weekend I'm going to start getting serious about that whole job thing so we'll see what actually happens in due time.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Sport of the Gods!

Baseball may be the Old National Past Time but Wiffle Ball truly is the Backyard Classic. There is something about the curve of a rubbery plastic ball and the contact of the plastic bat that sends chills up my back.

My love for the sport of Wiffle Ball even proceeds that of Kickball, which is equally in it's own right a great backyard sport. Some people may beg to defer but I'm not the only one who feels this way though as there is a large Wiffle Ball family world wide.

There are many cases which exist predominately in the New England area where people have made there own Fenway Wiffle Ball Field. If I ever become a home owner one thing that will be a necessity to me is that my home will have a expansive backyard so I can build my own Wiffle Ball Field.

Part of the fun of Wiffle Ball is each field's diversity of angles to play in the field. This creates for each to game to have a spontaneous outcome that can sometime lead to multiple games played until you can't even see the ball anymore as daylight dissipates.

How do you play Wiffle Ball you ask? Well it essentially is baseball but it differs in that there is no baserunning and rather that the distance of the ball determines a Single, Double, Triple or a Home Run. 

Pitch counts vary by players but it usually is 3 Strikes and 4 or more balls and always 2 outs per inning. The 4 or more balls creates for more opportunities to hit the ball and a less likelihood of constantly walking batters. The 2 Outs Per inning create for fasting moving games.

The strike zone itself is usually determined by either a chair, a backstop with a marked strike zone or sometimes even a trash can.

The size of teams typically consists of 2 to 5 players. I myself find that 2 to 3 players a team usuallly creates for the most fun and a more competitive game.

Wiffle Ball itself was created in 1953 in Fairfield, Connecticut by David N. Mullany. Mullany created it for his 12 year-old son and it got it's name when his son and his friends would describe the sound of a strikeout as a "Whiff."

Hell, even my old man played Wiffle Ball when he was a kid which shocked me because I didn't know they had plastic back in the stone age. Yuck, I so went for the hack comedian route on that stinker.

I don't want to brag but I consider myself the Johan Santana of Wiffle Ball and a great contact hitter. The variety of pitches is determined by your fingering of the ball, the direction the holes are in your hand and the angle of your arm.

This isn't me but this kid is pretty nasty when it comes to pitching. Later in the video it shows him in what looks like a organized league Wiffle Ball game which made me insanely jealous because I want to do that!

While I was searching for images for this post I came across this image for a Nintendo DS Wiffle Ball game. I don't own a Nintendo DS but if this game ever came to the Wii I would seriously go out and buy a Wii for it (I'm already contemplating doing that for the new Punch-Out! game).

Of coarse they would have to do the game right and make it that you had the ability to design your field and set your rules. That would be the only way I would buy the game, plus the Wii would be the perfect platform for it as you could swing and throw just like you would in a real game.

If anybody wants to play this spring/summer hit me up! I know a couple of places we could play and this summer I was planning on having a few BBQ's at my place so I'm sure that there will be a few games breaking out here and there on their own.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I am becoming an 86 year-old Woman

While I was at work today I realized as I was talking to my co-workers Anthony and Lynne that I have the mind set of an old bag. As we were talking about food and cooking, I soon became enthralled with the idea of grocery shopping today as I have recently discovered this to be the case in the past 2 or 3  months now.
blanche.jpg image by dvsross
I prep my grocery list in a ritual like way like Blanche Devereaux would prep her diaphragm for a night out at the Knights of Columbus (wait a second, that makes no sense? Whatever). Before I take to the aisles, I go through all the coupon flyers as I stalk for deals like gamey prey. 

By the time I get to the Super Market I have my grocery list in hand and sock full of coupons in my pocket. As I grab my Rickety Wheeled Grocery Cart I hit Shuffle Songs on my iPod as I prepare to rock out in my Grocery Experience. 

Some people however take this experience to the extreme though like my brother who has been known to Rollerblade through the store. This makes question whether or not my brother is a little light in the loafers, but hey to each their own am I right?

My passion for grocery shopping can be taken to the next level as you can sometimes find me yelling things at the bag boy like "HEY! This Coupon says it's 50 cents off the Sunny Delight Bucko!"

Getting excited about Grocery shopping doesn't necessarily make you old though but if it directly results in the purposeful preparation for certain television programs then hell yea it does.

Which leads me to my next example of me having the mentally of a geriatric; Television Programs. If I have the time during the day and I am around the house I'll watch all the old cop shows like Rockford Files, Magnum P.I. and Miami Vice.

There's just something about those shows that captivate my senile mind as gum away on some Apple Sauce. Maybe it has to deal with their cheesy style of cool and the fantastic character and script development is the reason I prefer to watch these shows while I mack on some cupcakes in my snuggie.

To prove even further my mind is Geritol bound, if any old school game shows like Press Your Luck, Family Fued (only with Richard Dawson) or Super Market Sweep are on you can bet your bottom dollar that my TV is tuned to it (Christ almighty; Bet Your Bottom Dollar? Did I just say that? Even I'm embarrassed for myself).

Normally I would also gush about my obsession for the Price is Right and how I would stay home from school back in the day just for my fix of Bob's Beauties but that hasn't been the case in over year. Sadly since Drew Carey has taken over the show he has single handily derailed the show. The producers of the show should have gone with John O'Hurley as the show host instead but thats just my opinion. 

I feel like I should have one of those stupid TV antennas on my roof with all the ancient shit that I watch on TV when I get the chance. Seriously though, who really has one of those TV antennas still? I haven't seen any of those since Richard Bey was the Jerry Springer of Day Time Talk.

My worries of my progressing age doesn't just apply to my actions though. I mean I'm getting all sorts of aches and pains here and there in places I never knew I had. My knees and my back have been shit for a while now but even now I'm starting to develop eye problems particularly in my right eye. 

I don't know if it's Macular Degeneration or Glaucoma but if it gets worse and if I can get a prescription to the funny stuff then I'm not complaining. Either way I'm sure staring at computer screens for extended periods of time is going to result in me needing to take out Large Print books from the library in the immediate future.

The fact that I'm already wanting to live in Florida for the warm weather has me spooked. Soon enough I'm going to be doing water aerobics before I go to early bird specials at the local Denny's before calling it a night at 8pm right after Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.