Guys and Real Dolls

So recently I don't know why but I've found that Real Dolls are absolutely hilarious.  For what reason why I find this completely hysterical is beyond me but I have noticed I'm not the only one who thinks this way. 

Some of you may say "Hey I rubbed one out to that on HBO's Real Sex," but for of those you who are "in the dark" on exactly what a Real Doll is, congratulate and thank yourself. A Real Doll is basically the creepiest thing anybody could own. A Real Doll is an incredibly life like Receptacle which are usually female. Although they also have Male Dolls available it begs the question, Which is creepier to own?, Male or Female?, I'm gonna go with my gut and say Female.

Lately in the media there has been a keen awareness to exactly how creepy/humorous it is to own a Real Doll. Two Years ago Ryan Gosling starred in the heartwarming Rom-Com "Lars and the Real Girl" about a delusional young man who strikes up an unconventional relationship with a Real Doll that he finds on the internet. I won't go any further about the movie because I don't want to spoil anything about the movie for those of you who haven't seen it as it is a good movie and should be viewed anyone.

The BBC (the British Broadcast Company, not the other acronym you sick perverts!) put out a documentary 2 years ago called "Guys and Dolls." The documetary profiled the lives of 4 Creeps (with a capital C & an exclamation point!) who owned Real Dolls. One of the owners by the name of "DaveCat" lived in the suburbs of Detriot. "DaveCat" reminded me of this guy that I used to work with both physically and mannerism/personality wise that it creeped me out.

Another Gentleman, and I use that term loosely, profiled in the BBC documentary was a gentleman by the name of Mike. Mike owned a beyond phenomenally creepy count of 8 Real Dolls. Mike also supplied 2 hilarious moments in the film, one where he was cleaning out one of his dolls unmentionable parts with a Swiffer duster as he stated that particularly doll was "beginning to smell like fish." 

The other fantastic moment Mike supplied was when he invited his real girlfriend over for his birthday and had all of his dolls sitting at a table with party hats on which in sighted the response of "I need a drink" from his girlfriend.

Lastly on the subject of the BBC's documentary there was one other fantastic quote/moment of the film that I need to share. This part profiled the maintenance man of the Real Dolls who would, um, repair, these Real Dolls. Now, one would think when preforming work on said Dolls that one would wear proper sanitary gear. Not this guy, he hunkers down as he gets into the nitty gritty with no gloves on as he pulls out damaged pieces as he says "I'm running all out of Vaginas."

Now I'm not completely condoning the Real Doll because besides providing "companionship" here are a few Pros that out weigh the Cons, Let's Review!

Pros

- You can now list a Dependent on your Tax Forms!

- Kiss Traffic goodbye as it is now clear sailing in the HOV car pool lane!

- You now have a permeant fan in the stands for all of your Adult Slow Pitch Softball Games!

- No more Chef Lonely Heart's Soup for One, Now you can Wine & Dine on TV Dinners for Two!

- Never having to go to a Family Event ever again!

- Ladies, Never feel vulnerable ever again, as the Male Real Doll is the best Male deterrent since the invention of the Shawl!

- Faking your Death has never been easier!

- Never Pay for Prostitutes both Monetarily and/or Health wise ever again!

I Need a Haircut!

"Like Zoinks Scoob"

I desperately need a haircut bad. I'm begining to look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo or one of the Monkees. The only problem is I want a new hairstyle but I don't know what I want to do with it. To begin with my hair isn't the greatest mane this side of the Mississippi. My hair just gets really thick and shaggy and doesn't grow long so I can't really style it or at least I don't think I can. I also need to trim or completely shave my beard because I'm tired of my mustache smelling of food, the flavor savor can get old real fast. If you have any suggestions let me know, it would truly be appreciated.

Haircut!

Speaking of Haircuts, we recorded the tracking and vocals for our first (and only?) full length album about a month and a half to two months ago. Brian and Greg have been in the "lab" mixing, producing and mastering it. We haven't played/practice since we recorded our songs in what seems like eons ago. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but we're playing a show this Friday at Dogwood and it would be nice to be sharp. Not to jump the gun but I think for the most part we've accepted the fact that this isn't gonna last forever and most likely end unfortunately sooner rather then later because one of us could be moving and that I'm going to hopefully get a 9-5 job beginning this summer.

"Y'all Gone Make Me Lose My Mind"

Any who, I've become seriously addicted to Fallout 3. I've been averaging about 3 hours or more a day in gameplay. The game is just fucking phenomenal plus it doesn't hurt that all I do at work is talk about the game with Justin Credible, Neil, and Paul. It can get to the point sometimes when I'm playing the game that my right eyeball feels like it's gonna pop out of my skull.

A Guy Can Dream Can't He?

For those of you who don't know (that is if anybody is actually reading this blog besides Ms. Emily Soper) what Fallout 3 is it's a game where you basically walk around on quests in a post nuke fallout DC and encounter survivors, enemies and all sorts of mutants. Everything you do in the game determines the out come of the game.

Except I won't be wearing socks

Other then that though nothing really else special has happened in the past few days. My parents go away for a week and a half beginning next weekend and it couldn't come at a better time. I get along with my folks but lately I'm like on edge and get annoyed at the slightest thing they do or ask me. So needless to say I'm looking forward to having the house to myself.

Until Next Time, Keep on Rockin in the Free World!

God Damn it's been a Hot Minute since I blogged!!!

I can't believe it's been since August of last year that I last blogged. I kinda just got lazy (and by lazy I mean spending all of my time on the computer looking at porn instead). I vow to change that though, after having a guest speaker in a class of mine who blogs for a living and reading my friend Emily Soper's blog daily for the past few months or so I've had a reawakening new found appreciation about blogging.

My plan for my newly restructured blog is to try and do a feature blog (the topical blogs I've done in the past) once a week. The other blogs I will post during the week will revolve around my thoughts, opinions, feelings, and events that have happened to me that day or that week (so yea, a normal fucking blog). 

The challenge with my previous blog structure was the topical installments were so time consuming to type that I didn't want to do them (But I thought you said the problem was you we're looking at porn instead; Yea but that was only 97% of the time, that other 3% was strictly dedicated to gossip sites and email/facebook).

I'm also thinking of every once and a while including a write up about certain bands that I'm digging on at the time, what I like about them, what songs I think you should check out and possibly a profile about the band itself.

Other then that though I'm really not up to too much these days. Haircut finished recording tracking and vocals of our First Full Length and is in what will most likely be a long mixing period as we all get our thoughts and opinions in about the tracks and the album as a whole. 

I've been reading a lot and as usual my ADD can't contain the process of reading just one book at one time so I'm in to about 6 books as we speak. One of them is a really good documentary about Guns & Roses and their early days, needless to say it's fucking awesome.

Starbucks is becoming a sinking ship as my manager has gotten her own feelings about people we work with into the way and is causing it to be an uncomfortable place as she has unwittingly gotten rid of quality people for her own ego problems.

Other then that though not much has been going on.....

My First Blog Posting!!!

Yea!!!! Horray for Blogs! (Yea, I'm that Lame) I decided to start a blog after reading my friend Dan Lee's blog: www.eyunta.com for centuries as well as reading my fellow acquaintance Sue Funke's blog: www.ilovetvmorethanyou.com.

Basically I'm gonna write about my favorite Movies, Music, Books, TV Shows, Sports, Video Games & Web Sites I frequent. My writings will also feature some of my ideas (business, technology, Pipe Dreams & Wishful thinking) and my opinions on certain things. My entries will also feature events and occurrences in my daily routine/Life.

So Yea, basically just like every other fucking Blog on the net! Hahaha

Hopefully my entires will be appealing to you and that you find them interesting and some things funny as well. I hope I can also keep up with posting blogs as much as possible cuz lord knows how I can get caught up with my daily routine of random shit through out my days and how also lazy I can be when I have down time and how much lack of shit gets down when I have it.

So Yea, Thats about it. Just gonna leave the Mike Cregan Seal of Approval...Where is it here?....Ah, Yes Here it is!

Oh! And P.S. : The First Person to Accurately Guess Where I got my Blog Name: "I'm A Guy Like Me!" gets a First Class Sloppy Knob Job with the possibility of a Reach Around!