Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Do the Dew!

I love Mountain Dew! I would even go to the extent to say my love for Mountain Dew borders on an A&E "Intervention" addiction level. There's just something about the taste, the look, the feeling of diabetic shock you get after pounding a 12 pack in less then 2 or 3 days & the way it can glow in the dark that makes you feel like it's radioactive! Either way any Mountain Dew addict could testify to these feelings.
Before I go any further with this blog I do have to address the unfair stereotype that is associated with us Mountain Dew Drinkers. That Stereotype is that we are all a bunch of 4chan pursuing nerds that live in our Mom's basement that play Dungeons and Dragons every Friday and Saturday Night with our Babylon 5 Role Playing Group. This is obviously not true because we can't live in the basement because we are allergic to the molds down there and you know what Dungeon's & Dragons is so 1976 and as for Babylon 5 that's for Dorks, I watch Battlestar Galactica, thank you very much!

One of my favorite things about Mountain Dew though is that their advertising is directed to "Extreme Athletes" when I'd say that easily 3/4 of Mountain Dew drinkers are the furthest thing from Jesse Owens (wow, could I have picked a less relevant athlete?) as they barely get off of the couch from playing video games. Don't get me wrong, I ain't hating cuz I'm definitely part of that 3/4 and pretty damn proud as my addiction to both Mountain Dew & Fallout 3 is quite obscene.

Now there are many people out there who believe in the urban legend that Mountain Dew kills your sperm count. It is indeed a myth but either way I could careless because I don't want any mini me degenerate assholes running around bothering me while I play video games, watch porn and drink Mountain Dew (in any order, I'm not picky). Frankly if the myth is true then hell I'll drink 7-11 Super Gulp after Super Gulp till I'm as impotent as a.....ah I got nothing, you come up with something clever here!

I will say however there are some Mountain Dew heads out there who's dedication to the delicious soft drink that just flat out scares me. As you can see there are a few who take it to the extreme as evident in the picture above of a Mountain Dew Can Christmas Tree even though it brings a tear of jealousy to my uncontrollable twitching overly Computer/TV and Book reading exposed strained eye.

You maybe asking yourself "Well, What about Mello Yello?" I myself can not speak on the behalf of Mello Yello as I have never drank it seeing as A) I don't live in the South & B) I didn't live in the 70's no matter how bad I wanted to. Mello Yello, I feel is the Bastard cousin of Mountain Dew who never achieved anything in life just like Dr. Pepper and his High School dropout brother Mr. Pibb. Whatever the case maybe I will accept donations of both Mello Yello & Mr. Pibb from any free wheeling charitable philanthropist who is willing to help a worthy cause.
Bea_Arthur.jpg Bea Arthur image by Redsandfalls
On a more serious note though I would like to dedicate this blog posting to the memory of Bea Arthur. Bea Arthur captured our funny bones as Dorothy Zbornak on the hit sitcom "Golden Girls." Earlyier this year as I do every year on New Years Day I gave my picks for the annual Celebrity Death Pool. On that list this year I joked about Bea Arthur as one of my picks, I unfortunately was right. When I heard the news of Bea Arthur's passing I was absolutely shattered as I'm sure most of the world was as we realized that we lost one of the true comedic greats. All one can say is there is an Angel up there some where with some sweet shoulder pads with the greatest comedic timing ever. Bea, Thank You for Being a Friend!!!


Anonymous said...

Does it really glow in the dark??

Oldschoolwax said...

You so wanna hit that!

Anonymous said...

lol. 4chan. I like how you integrate lolcats into your blog. Very nice.