Monday, May 18, 2009

I am becoming an 86 year-old Woman

While I was at work today I realized as I was talking to my co-workers Anthony and Lynne that I have the mind set of an old bag. As we were talking about food and cooking, I soon became enthralled with the idea of grocery shopping today as I have recently discovered this to be the case in the past 2 or 3  months now.
blanche.jpg image by dvsross
I prep my grocery list in a ritual like way like Blanche Devereaux would prep her diaphragm for a night out at the Knights of Columbus (wait a second, that makes no sense? Whatever). Before I take to the aisles, I go through all the coupon flyers as I stalk for deals like gamey prey. 

By the time I get to the Super Market I have my grocery list in hand and sock full of coupons in my pocket. As I grab my Rickety Wheeled Grocery Cart I hit Shuffle Songs on my iPod as I prepare to rock out in my Grocery Experience. 

Some people however take this experience to the extreme though like my brother who has been known to Rollerblade through the store. This makes question whether or not my brother is a little light in the loafers, but hey to each their own am I right?

My passion for grocery shopping can be taken to the next level as you can sometimes find me yelling things at the bag boy like "HEY! This Coupon says it's 50 cents off the Sunny Delight Bucko!"

Getting excited about Grocery shopping doesn't necessarily make you old though but if it directly results in the purposeful preparation for certain television programs then hell yea it does.

Which leads me to my next example of me having the mentally of a geriatric; Television Programs. If I have the time during the day and I am around the house I'll watch all the old cop shows like Rockford Files, Magnum P.I. and Miami Vice.

There's just something about those shows that captivate my senile mind as gum away on some Apple Sauce. Maybe it has to deal with their cheesy style of cool and the fantastic character and script development is the reason I prefer to watch these shows while I mack on some cupcakes in my snuggie.

To prove even further my mind is Geritol bound, if any old school game shows like Press Your Luck, Family Fued (only with Richard Dawson) or Super Market Sweep are on you can bet your bottom dollar that my TV is tuned to it (Christ almighty; Bet Your Bottom Dollar? Did I just say that? Even I'm embarrassed for myself).

Normally I would also gush about my obsession for the Price is Right and how I would stay home from school back in the day just for my fix of Bob's Beauties but that hasn't been the case in over year. Sadly since Drew Carey has taken over the show he has single handily derailed the show. The producers of the show should have gone with John O'Hurley as the show host instead but thats just my opinion. 

I feel like I should have one of those stupid TV antennas on my roof with all the ancient shit that I watch on TV when I get the chance. Seriously though, who really has one of those TV antennas still? I haven't seen any of those since Richard Bey was the Jerry Springer of Day Time Talk.

My worries of my progressing age doesn't just apply to my actions though. I mean I'm getting all sorts of aches and pains here and there in places I never knew I had. My knees and my back have been shit for a while now but even now I'm starting to develop eye problems particularly in my right eye. 

I don't know if it's Macular Degeneration or Glaucoma but if it gets worse and if I can get a prescription to the funny stuff then I'm not complaining. Either way I'm sure staring at computer screens for extended periods of time is going to result in me needing to take out Large Print books from the library in the immediate future.

The fact that I'm already wanting to live in Florida for the warm weather has me spooked. Soon enough I'm going to be doing water aerobics before I go to early bird specials at the local Denny's before calling it a night at 8pm right after Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am also becoming an elderly person as I stated "I'm getting too old for this," when we attended SSLYBY.