COPS

I can say without a doubt in my mind that "COPS" is the greatest reality TV show of all time. For 20 years FOX has brought the cream of the criminal crop to our idiot boxes every Saturday night. Anytime I hear that "HUHHHH!" from the theme song "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle, my mouth begins to water for White Trash & Speed Freaks as if I were Pavlov's Dog.

Basically, I use the show as positive reinforcement in my life. No matter how bad life gets I can always put on the TV and say to myself "Well, at least your not being caught in Drag stealing copper wire from a construction site and insisting your buddy Steve said you could borrow it."

There are times when I question myself though, especially when they bust prostitutes. I'll sit there in my plastic fantastic furniture expecting Cindy Crawford and when it turns out to be a Ernest Borgnine look a like in pumps I kind of get disappointed as I try to look past his/her's Adams Apple as I gaze into the bounty of their Crustache questioning myself Would Ya? But that's neither here nor there....

One thing that still perplexes me still to this day though is why does at least 85% of the people on the show lack the ability to wear a common everyday T-shirt? Are there lack of T-shirts in these communities to go around? Is it something Medical like a deficiency towards cotton? 

Whatever the case may be there is one thing that is always guaranteed and that is the presence of Mullets on COPS. Yea, you might be saying "This Kid is still talking about Mullets?" and yes I am because I am infatuated with the idea of keeping your neck warm but yet emulating Goose's hair from Top Gun in the Front.

My absolute favorite thing on COPS though are the Crackheads/Speed Freaks. They have the best attire and the most fabulous outlandish stories. I saw one episode when one of these prodigies explained to the Fuzz that the reason he was hanging out at a closed Gas Station @ 4am was because he just got married to Elvis's daughter and his brand new Baby Blue Roles Royce just broke down. That alone is worth it's weight in gold.

Finally, I have a theory when it comes to COPS and that theory is no matter what time of the day it is you can find COPS on TV. Whether it be on FOX, CourtTV, UPN, or even G4 COPS is on somewhere in the world.